17 July 2011

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Oh Smurf! Looks Like The FBI Has Finally Caught Up With Me

You thought that I was one of the good guys, didn't you?
Well, according to an email I've recently received from the FBI, it appears that I've been fooling you (and myself as well in the process) all along and that  I'm actually a very bad wolf, a potential fraudster and... wait for it... even a possible terrorist.

Now, that definitely makes Rupert Murdoch look like an angel compared to me... Yikes!

All I can say right now is that I'm very sorry for any distress this unexpected news might have caused you.... Believe it or not, I was unaware myself of what a villainous character I was until the moment I read the above mentioned email.

So, let's thanks the FBI for making sure that I'll never be able to carry on whatever criminal act I was apparently going to commit...

Kudos to them. Well done!

The following is a copy of the email I've received. Hopefully, after reading it, you'll still be able to forgive me for those alleged crimes I'm supposed to have committed and/or I apparently planned to commit.

Oh, and by the way...  

Don't panic! 

Everything does eventually  become clear (well, clearer anyway) at the end. 

Honest!



The FBI Email

"Attention:

This is to officially inform you that the Central Bank in Nigeria has wired the sum of Ten Million, Five hundred thousand U.S Dollars into the United States of America in your name as the beneficiary.

The said funds is still under intense investigation from this office regarding it's source.

The Central Bank of Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment directly into your account, used what we know as a secret diplomatic transit payment (S.T.D.P) to pay this fund through wire transfer.

However, Secret diplomatic transfer payments are normally funds related to drug/terrorist and money laundering system of payment.

The Question now is, why must your payment be made in such secret transfer? If your transaction is legitimate and not related to drug/terrorism, why can't the Central Bank in Nigeria effect direct transfer into your account than secret diplomatic payment transfer?

Due to the increased difficulties and thorough scrutiny by the American authorities when funds come in through such payment process from Europe, Africa and Middle East and based on the records we have had in the past, such method of payment has always been identified as drug/ terrorist/money laundering funds.

However, in line with the United States policy on funds transfer, as soon as these funds are transferred into the United States, it is our compulsory obligations to establish the credentials and official recognition of this funds before final crediting into your account.

For this reason therefore, You are advised to contact the United States Funds monitoring unit, a sub-division of the US Treasury department for the certificate of funds legality.

This document or certificate empowers the transfer and also licenses that funds originating from Europe, Africa and Middle East are free from terrorist/drug and money laundering.

Failure to provide this document within 3 days will warrant us to confiscate these funds and further charge you for money laundering offences.

We will allow the funds to be released into your account as soon as you make provision for the essential document.


Yours faithfully,
R. S. Mueller, III
Director
Phone/: 716-240-7321"



My Reply 

Dear R. S, Mueller
(or is it B.S. Mueller?)

You haven't really done your homework, have you?

I would have appreciated that you, at least, addressed me using my name... I mean, hey, that would not have needed rocket science to achieve that, my name being part of my email address (BTW, I'll come back on the subject of my email address later as there is a very massive clue on not only how clueless you are, but also, on how much a waste of time the whole charade was).

>> The Question now is, why must your payment be made in such secret transfer? If your transaction is legitimate and not related to drug/terrorism, why can't the Central Bank in Nigeria effect direct transfer into your account rather than secret diplomatic payment transfer? <<

Perhaps it's really because that payment only exists in your devious imagination and the infamous Central Bank in Nigeria has probably never heard of me in the first place anyway.

By the way, why on Earth did you have to use the N word? Don't you know that emails about money from Nigeria haven't been taken seriously anymore for many years and carrying on with that old tired ploy indicates a lack of imagination (and a lot of laziness) on the senders' part (they provide us with a good giggle at their expense though).
>>  Failure to provide this document within 3 days will warrant us to confiscate these funds and further charge you for money laundering offences. <<

Hmmm... yeah, whatever.  

You see, that's where you're going to have a problem making your pathetic little scam work. You want to know why? No, really? Perhaps if you had checked my Yahoo email address before sending this total BS, you would have noticed that it was a yahoo.co.uk one.

That means that I'm living in the UK (it's also called Great Britain, but I don't want to confuse you more than you obviously already are) and all your crap about me possibly laundering money in the US is well... yep, just BS, really.

Had you sent this email on April Fools Day, I would have found this rather amusing (not a very well thought out joke, but rather amusing all the same). Unfortunately for you, we are not in April anymore and your email can only be seen as what it actually is: a scam and an illegal attempt to get hold of my bank details or a respectable amount of money from me....

Well, guess what? 

You've lamentably failed... 

Yep,  F.A.I.L.E.D 

Yours laughingly, 

Loup Dargent
French Wolf and (alleged) Time Traveller

PS: Oh yeah, I almost forgot....
Regarding your email addresses: