Showing posts with label Zombies Related. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zombies Related. Show all posts

3 September 2016

How To Stop A Zombie Apocalypse – With Science

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Shutterstock
By Joanna Verran, Manchester Metropolitan University and Matthew Crossley, Manchester Metropolitan University

Zombie films often end with a miracle cure or the arrival of the army (or the protagonists and the world facing uncertain doom). But what would happen if a new disease started converting humans into a zombie-like state for real, and how might we actually stop it? Answering this kind of question isn’t just a fun exercise – it can tell us a lot about how a genuine highly infectious condition might spread.

Scientists who study disease – epidemiologists – need to answer questions such as how a disease spreads, how fast it is likely to move through a population and, most importantly, how best to stop the outbreak and prevent future events.

Imagine if a new “zombieism” disease broke out that spread through the commonly portrayed method of infected saliva that enters a person’s bloodstream after being bitten by a zombie. This kind of direct contact spread would normally be quite an inefficient method for disease transmission compared to airborne infections, which can be spread much more easily. But zombieism is interesting because, like rabies, its symptoms can include anxiety, agitation, paranoia and terror that alter the behaviour of the infected individual. So zombies will actively try to bite or eat their victims, thereby spreading the disease faster.

Finding the source
The original source of the zombie outbreak is rarely a concern in horror films, whereas epidemiologists spend a lot of time using analysis and models to track back to the first case(s) of disease. For example, a biological agent released into the air or contaminated food consumed at a large social event might cause a large number of infected individuals at one time. A laboratory accident, on the other hand, might initially affect a reasonably small, possibly contained number of individuals, in a small area. These parameters, as well as the mode of transmission, will affect the disease’s spread.

Armed with an understanding of the transmission method, we can consider how fast the disease could move through a population. For any epidemic, epidemiologists will try to calculate a basic reproduction ratio that describes the average number of additional cases an infected individual will generate. This number (often referred to as R₀) describes how severe an outbreak is. One with an R₀ of less than 1 will eventually die out, but greater than 1 will spread through a population.

Our zombies do not expire naturally and require the removal of their head or destruction of their brain for permanent death. So the main consideration in a zombie epidemiology model is how many people a zombie can bite before it either runs out of victims or is destroyed. This is a function of many other variables including population density and people’s ability to destroy zombies. The zombies might be the slow shambling monsters of tradition, or perhaps the faster, more deadly infected humans portrayed in the film 28 Days Later.


If we assume that the zombies hunt naively, then population density is one of the most important considerations. A heavily populated area provides plenty of opportunities for any given zombie to feed, and infected cases will increase rapidly. Isolated zombies, however, would have a tendency to shuffle around causing no real harm.

Finally, having established how our disease is spread and how fast it could bring about the end times (or not, as the case may be), we need to identify the best method for reducing our R₀ below 1. This will ensure the infection does not lead to a zombie apocalypse.

There are typically four response strategies to zombieism, each with a grounding in epidemiological study. An obvious strategy is to quarantine the infected individuals, possibly with the hope of developing a cure or vaccine. While this can be successful, the process of developing a cure is lengthy and difficult, and maintaining a perfect quarantine is difficult and risky. In cases with a high R₀, as is typical of zombie epidemics, even one infected individual that breeches quarantine or is not captured risks annihilating the host species.

A strategy often seen in zombie stories is for the uninfected to hide away, essentially isolating those who are healthy from those who are infected. This is typically employed when the infected individuals vastly outnumber the healthy. This protection could be seen as some sort of immunisation but success relies on a continued ability to remain apart. Once the infected hordes have breached your protected zone, you have already created a perfect environment for the disease to spread rapidly in a small space.

Extreme solutions
With no treatment option, a selective cull that involves attempting to remove the infected individuals from the population permanently is a tempting option. But this suffers from the same problems as quarantine. Not only does it require efficient removal of the infected, there also needs to be some diagnostic screening process in hand so that early cases with fewer symptoms can be detected.

This leaves the scariest of the options: eradicate the infected area with a pre-emptive cull, with little to no concern for who, or what, is destroyed in the process. With heavy casualties but a guaranteed end to the infection, this is often the choice the “military” characters plump for in a zombie story. Assuming you could successfully eradicate all of the infected individuals, this might appear the best option. But moral issues remain regarding the heavy losses of uninfected individuals that would also take place.

Real diseases are rarely as powerful as those in zombie films, which usually have a 100% transmission rate and come with a near complete lack of immunity, recovery or treatment. But exploring fictitious zombie-like pandemics also offers an exciting way to discuss infectious disease transmission, prevention and treatment. So next time you sit down to watch your favourite zombie film or TV show, put yourself in the shoes of the world’s epidemiologists: What would you do, and why?
The Conversation

About Today's Contributors
Joanna Verran, Professor of microbiology, Manchester Metropolitan University and Matthew Crossley, Lecturer in Web Technologies, Manchester Metropolitan University

This article was originally published on The Conversation

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22 April 2016

Zombies Are Taking Over The World – And We All Want To Be A Part Of It

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Secret Cinema
By Ewan Kirkland, University of Brighton

As a video game player, I am used to running from hordes of zombies, navigating treacherous post-apocalyptic wastelands, and fleeing from one disorientating location to the next. But nothing could prepare me for the experience of Secret Cinema’s latest event, based on Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, the film frequently credited with transforming the zombie from a moaning shuffling figure into a screaming fast-moving crazy.

7 April 2016

The Walking Dead: Why That Final Point-Of-View Shot Tells Us Nothing

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Fans are not happy with the end of the Walking Dead season finale. AMC
By Kit Messham-Muir, University of Newcastle

Spoilers ahead for the end of The Walking Dead season six.

The very last scene in this week’s episode of The Walking Dead is more than a little harrowing for fans of this zombie apocalypse drama.

7 February 2016

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies: It's The Jane Austen Horror Show

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By Camilla Nelson, University of Notre Dame Australia

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a bestselling monster mash-up must be in want of a movie. Perhaps this explains why Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016) – beset by myriad casting woes, money worries, and directorial setbacks since the project was announced – has finally arrived in cinemas this month.

The film – starring Lily James, Sam Riley and Jack Huston – is based on the bestselling book of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith.

Fans – and the weirdly fascinated – can rest assured. England’s green and pleasant land will be beset by a plague of the living dead. Corpses will dig their way out of graves. Crypt doors will burst open. Armies of Satan’s soldiers – shambling, soulless, brain-devouring monsters – will upturn coaches, invade the houses of the rich, and generally terrorise the good citizens of Austen’s Hertfordshire.

But it is unlikely that this will be accompanied by any cries of indignation from the Janeites, howls of outrage from Austen bibliophiles and scholars, or publicity-generating accusations that the barbarians of Hollywood have finally set “our dear Jane” spinning in her grave.

The reality is a lot more interesting.



Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, book trailer.
Websites frequented by the Janeites are more likely to be sponsoring book giveaways and free movie passes. And the movie is more likely to get a genial nod from popular culture and Austen scholars, not to mention neo-Marxist scholars of the apocalyptic school who have a deep appreciation for the way in which Seth Grahame-Smith has tethered the paradigmatic exponent of western middle-class mores with the zombie monster – the ultimate proletarian monster, which was, at the time of the book’s 2009 release, declared by Time magazine to be the cultural mascot of the GFC.

In fact, Jane Austen horror has burgeoned into a distinctive subgenre of Austen adaptations. Joining Seth-Grahame Smith’s interpretation of Elizabeth Bennet as a katana-weilding zombie slayer, is Michael Thomas Ford’s Jane Bites Back (2009), featuring Jane Austen as the undead 233-year-old author and owner of an upstate New York book store.

There is also Amanda Grange’s, Mr Darcy, Vampyre (2009), in which Elizabeth Bennet wakes up to the worrying truth that she is married to a “vampyre”; and Carrie Bebris’ Pride and Prescience (2012), and subsequent books, which cast Elizabeth Bennet as one half of a dynamic detective duo investigating supernatural mysteries.

Even the latest BBC Masterpiece sequel to Pride and Prejudice, based on PD James’ Death Comes to Pemberley, features a plotline transformed by the conventions of the neo-gothic thriller.


Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, film trailer.
These works of Austen horror – styled as fan fictions, spoofs, satires or comedies – are oddly interesting for the way in which they blend the aesthetics of British heritage drama with chic lit, 20th-century soap opera, and the genre of monster tales, which, for many scholars, signals widespread fears and anxieties about the monstrous dislocations at the heart of contemporary life.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a curious case in point.

The film may be set in the past, with lavish hair-dos, costumes and make-up, but there is of course nothing historical in the film. The mysterious plague that the plot envisions has far less to do with the violence of Austen’s world, and more to do with the violence of the Anglophone world today. This makes it one of the more interesting examples of what David McNally has evocatively called the “capitalist grotesque”.


The capitalist grotesque
In Haitian folklore, the zombie represents the historical memory of slavery – the idea of one human enslaved by the will of another. Appropriated by US directors such as George A. Romero, the zombie expressed a range of domestic threats, from civil rights to violence arising from the war in Vietnam, or as critiques of consumerism and the military industrial complex.



Wikimedia Commons/ Quirk Books, Philadelphia
In the wake of the global financial crisis activists and scholars appropriated the zombie image as a metaphor for a newly globalised proletariat – modernity’s outcasts, disenfranchised social classes, the “superfluous” populations evoked by sociologists such as Zygmunt Bauman, depleted of their affective and intellectual energies by a cultural and economic system dedicated to the production of “human waste”.

In short, the zombie usurped Frankenstein’s position as the proletariat monster of choice – a symptomatic representation of a cultural and economic system rotting away from within and without.

Austen is an apt target for such anxious envisioning not only because of her centrality in the western cultural canon, but also because she is fundamentally an uncompromising moralist.

Her ethical system is every bit as complex as Kant’s, and her ethical values – including such allegedly quaint-sounding notions as “amiability”, “civility”, “propriety” and “dignity” – are, as Thomas Rodham has argued, fundamentally about middle-class existence.


Indeed, the middle-class myopia of Austen has long been a point of critical attack. As Raymond Williams famously pointed out in his book The Country and the City (1973):
where only one class is seen, no classes are seen.

These critical concerns also attach themselves to anxieties about the imperial “unconsciousness” of Austen.

In the novels of Britain’s imperial age, “money from elsewhere” in the guise of profits from the East India Company, or exotic sugar plantations, provided the means for many a plot resolution, as Edward Said famously argued in Culture and Imperialism (1993) with respect to the sugar plantation that sustains the Bertram’s family estate in Austen’s novel Mansfield Park (1814).



The Pride and Prejudice and Zombies cover, by Doogie Horner, is a ‘zombification’ of a painting of Marcia Fox by William Beechey. Wikimedia Commons
Hence, in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies – a putative democratisation of Austen – the upper classes also go to the “Orient” not to acquire wealth, but to acquire the “deadly arts” that will allow them to impose order on society in a more direct and violent way.

But despite these apparently democratic renovations, the “Orient” still functions within this monster franchise as a site of exploitation, just as the disaffected zombies still function as an outcast social order to be vanquished.

Moreover, the novel somewhat blunts the force of its critique by breaking the conventions of the zombie narrative – one of the few mainstream genres to adhere to the convention of the nihilistic ending – by featuring a happy ending. Indeed the other two books in the trilogy – Dawn of the Dreadfuls (2010) and Dreadfully Ever After (2011), by Steve Hockensmith – do the same, giving us three happy endings in a row.


But there is also something in this monster movie for the Janeites.

Jane Austen was no revolutionary. But had she seen the state of our world – the way in which we appear to have failed so completely at “amiability”, “civility”, “propriety” and “dignity” – then, perhaps she might even have agreed that, as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies' original fanboy trailer put it:

Maybe You Need Some Zombies.

Further reading:
Jane Austen … Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem, by Camilla Nelson.



About Today's Contributor
Camilla Nelson, Senior Lecturer in Writing, University of Notre Dame Australia



This article was originally published on The Conversation



25 October 2015

Final Touches For A Zombie Fancy Dress

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The big number of zombie flicks that made a hit on the big screen is enough to prove that people would always find these ghastly characters interesting. The plot is always the same but people still watch for the heck of being scared. Perhaps this is the reason why a zombie costume is still a common preference for many people during Halloween. Just like any other scary character, there would be many approaches in creating the look.

There is a Halloween fancy dress made for children. Halloween costumes that are intended for young ones are usually designed to be more comfortable. Those are not as scary as those that are made for teenagers and adults for obvious reasons. The last thing parents want is their child’s scary costume causing others to cry. Zombie costumes for kids usually have many layers and tattered lining. The colors of the textiles are muted to make the clothes look like it has been worn for a long time. There are also ensembles that come with additional details such as bones and flesh showing through tears in the costume.

Halloween accessories such as fake scars and wound also help a lot in making a zombie look realistic. There are also sets of face paints people can experiment with so they can achieve the greenish pale skin of dead bodies. If they wish to, they can also add bruises to make the costume look more authentic. Understandably, those would be for really scary costumes and not for young ones. Another way of making it fitting for Halloween is by making the costume bloodier. A zombie fancy dress can also be made more interesting by using different types of fake blood. Some are meant to be smeared on the clothes while others are meant to be used against the skin. There are also capsules that people can bite on to make blood ooze out of their zombie mouths.

There are also zombie fancy dress costumes that have masks. Those would be ideal for people who do not wish to put on makeup. It is true that putting face paint on requires a bit of creativity so it may not be for everyone. The downside of wearing a mask is that it can be quite uncomfortable for the wearer. This means that people cannot possibly wear them through and through and would have to remove it at some point during the event. A zombie costume can also be more modern. The look would be much like your ordinary neighbor except that they are already zombies.



Women would also have a lot of choices for adult costume parties with zombies as a theme. They do not necessarily have to look shabby in their tattered clothes. The truth is that there are a number of sexy zombie costumes to choose from. Any common ensemble can be turned to something gruesome by means of using a bit of makeup and face paint. If they wish to, they can even come in a full gown to look like a zombie bride. There can be many renditions of zombies so it is quite a fun role to play.

Submitted by; Sean Goudelock




About Today's Contributor 
Banners 'n' Balloons are the UK's largest retailer of Fancy Dress products. Should you wish to learn more about how we can help you with either Zombie Fancy Dress or Halloween Fancy Dress.

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20 March 2014

A Careful, Scholarly Analysis Of How You Could Still Cook Meals During A Zombie Apocalypse

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 photo Zombie_zps6d2bdde5.jpg

When we think about surviving a zombie apocalypse, most of us consider how we’d stock pile food and ammunition to keep us alive and safe. However, have you ever really stopped to consider how you’d cook all that food once the grid goes down? Here’s an in-depth analysis of potential methods for cooking during a zombie apocalypse.



Use a Gas Grill
Last year, the wife got me a gas grill for my birthday. Next to the banjo and ukulele she got me, this was the best present yet. Not only do I now grill pretty much every single weekend (and drink more beer because of it), but I can also use it to survive when the zombies invade and the electricity goes down.

The Pros: All I need to make my grill work is propane. And I can save up a million tanks of it if necessary. Sure it costs a little, but at least I’ll be prepared for the end, right?


Gas grills also heat up very quickly. And when you’re dealing with zombies, there’s no time to waste. Especially with my 5 burner model that gets up to 500 degrees in about 5 minutes. Oh and if you get the infrared kind with the pans at the bottom, cleanup is easy and it lasts longer without rusting out.


The Cons: What happens when you run out of gas? Maybe you can start by getting one of those huge tanks dropped off in your backyard. Although, it’s doubtful they’ll offer that service post-apocalypse.



grill photo grill_zpsb4596f7a.jpg

Cook Over an Open Fire

Just like you learned as a boy scout. It’s every man’s dream, to cook over an open fire. In fact, you might argue that there’s nothing that represents freedom more. And something about it makes meat just taste better. Maybe it’s just in our heads…

The Pros: It’s been done since the cavemen. That means it works. All you have to have is firewood and a way to light it. Could be matches, or even rubbing sticks together if you’re that skilled. No electricity or gas required. Oh, and did I mention how meat seems to taste better over an open fire? Just checking.


The Cons: First and foremost, the biggest drawback is in the name. Open fire. The last place you want to be during a zombie apocalypse is out in the open. However, that’s exactly what you need to build a fire. You also need a way to light it. Sooner or later the matches are going to run out. You better know some alternative lighting techniques. 


A Homemade Solar Oven

This past summer, I made one of these with my 4 year old as a little science project. We both had a blast. We used it to “cook” smores, which she really enjoyed. To understand why I put quotes around cook, look at the cons section.

The Pros: There are two large benefits to the solar cooker:

  • It requires no nonrenewable resource to heat it. So when the zombies take out the power lines and gas lines, and when there is no wood left to burn, you can still power this with good ol’ Mother Nature.
  • You can easily build one of these out of junk you have lying around the house. A pizza box or shoe box, foil, black paper or paint…it’s simple. So simple a 4 year old could do it. Literally.
The Cons: While these are really cool and fun to make, they aren’t very efficient. Maybe I’m just a noob, but the one me and my kid built barely even melted the chocolate on the smore. So to say we cooked with it is a bit of a stretch.

It’s also very slow going. You’re going to have to let it sit out in the sun for quite a while to heat anything up. And I’d be wary of trying to cook meat in it, because I’m not sure it would get hot enough to kill off harmful bacteria.


Oh , and you have to have full sunlight for it to even kind of work.



 photo zombies_door_zps152e0639.jpg

The South American Wood-fired Barrel

The South American Wood-fired Barrel is exactly what you’d expect from the name. It really is a metal barrel heated by burning wood. The barrel is encased in clay.

The Pros: The fact that this barrel is surrounded in clay is a huge plus. The clay acts as insulation which makes the oven heat more efficiently. The result? You need less firewood. During the apocalypse, this will be a huge plus. First of all, getting firewood may not be easy. With zombies swarming outside, the last thing you want is to spend countless hours in the woods picking up and chopping firewood. And also, depending on where you live, acquiring firewood may prove to be a difficult task, so the less you have to use, the better.

Oh, and it’s commonly used to cook pizza. What could be bad about that?

The Cons: First of all, it’s an outdoor stove. This means you have to cook outside and risk being susceptible to zombie attacks. It’s also used typically to cook for large groups of people. That’s fine and dandy if you’re holed up with a lot of people. But if you’re just cooking for yourself, it’s not the most viable option.


What method will you use to cook food for you and your family during the apocalypse? Tell us in the replies!




About Today's Contributor
Jason Williams is an avid moviegoer. His favorite type of movies? you guessed it--zombie movies. If anyone can offer advice on what do do during the apocalypse, it's this guy.


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2 November 2013

Anatomy Of A Scary Movie [Infographic]

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Fans of horror movies are going to love today's infographic... not only it contains loads of information about scary movies, but it also tell us how to make horror films on a budget. (Now, that has to be the mother of all infographics!)

Many thanks to fellow Twitter user Ralf for pointing out this timely little gem to us.

Enjoy!

Loup Dargent

13 September 2013

How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

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Our modern culture is one obsessed by the prospect of reanimated flesh stalking the earth. Over the last decade, there has been a huge resurgence in films, tv shows, books and comics about zombies, and one that shows no signs of slowing anytime soon.

Perhaps one of the main reasons this genre retains such fascination among audiences is because we like to imagine how we would cope if it were somehow ever to happen, as unlikely as that may be. Would we have what it takes to survive the hours, days and weeks of zombie infestation, before it can be stopped, assuming it can be? Or would we fall to pieces like so many bit-part characters unaware of their own limitations?

I’m fairly confident I could make the distance, personally. Here is my own carefully-crafted plan for survival:


29 August 2013

What Are Some Of The Characteristics Of A Good Zombie Story?

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If “Confessions”, the eleventh episode of the fantastic Breaking Bad, wasn’t enough, fans were kept on the edge of their seats with a short 15 second clip of the next season of the Walking Dead. In the clip, Michonne is confronted by a few zombies outside of the gates of the prison. Anyone who has read the graphic novels or seen Michonne last season knows that these zombies are toast.

It’s no secret that the Walking Dead has been one of the most popular zombie graphic novels and television series to date. The season 3 finale set the record for the series, with over 12.4 million viewers overall, and Robert Kirkman keeps churning out the graphic novels. There’s no question that the series is as popular as ever, and millions should tune in for the premiere next month, but the question then becomes why?


That is an answer only known by those who have written and created the great zombie books, shows and movies out there know. As you look at the Walking Dead series; stand-alone novels like I am Legend and World War Z; the Dawn of the Dead Movies or 28 Days movies, each is different in one way or another, but all have a few characteristics that make them so popular. With that in mind, let’s take a look at a few of the common features of great zombie entertainment.


5 April 2013

Game Planning For 'Doomsday'

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So the trendy subject of movies and books these days is the end of the world.  To name a few examples I’m thinking of I am Legend and The Road.  But the thing of the matter is:  this is no joking matter to you.  It may be entertainment to some, but you recognize and want to plan for the actuality of the apocalypse.  Let’s go over some essential steps to take to ensure your survival when life as we know it ceases. 

27 February 2013

When Will The Apocalypse Happen?

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Ok, so the Mayans may have been wrong, the world didn’t end in 2012! But, it could still happen.  Where will you be when the apocalypse comes?  Holed up safely in your underground zombie and nuclear proof shelter, with enough supplies to last you for a year or running screaming along the High Street with a bag filled with tins of food, trying to find the nearest place to hide out?  For most of us, it’s probably the latter, although we don’t want to admit to being so unprepared!  We don’t know if or when the apocalypse will happen, or even how, but there are ways that you can ensure you’re prepared for any disaster like applying for cash loans and getting shopping for supplies today!

31 December 2012

6 Ways Driving Could Help you Survive a Zombie Outbreak

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Alright, so the chances of a zombie outbreak in your neighborhood are probably rather low. But if it does happen, you might be glad that you have your car. In the event of zombie outbreak all hell will be set loose. And here's how driving can help.

25 May 2012

Several Easy Changes You Can Make To Zombie Proof Your Home

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It’s a fact of life that we all have to accept that sooner or later the dead will rise from their unquiet slumber, gather in great mobs and storm through your town, devouring the flesh of your neighbours who, in turn, will rise and continue the slaughter until only a few plucky survivors remain.

The question is, what will you do in the face of this terrifying inevitability? Curling up into a foetal position and crying is an option, but in the end that won’t help anyone. The truth is, your own real chance is to make sure that when the zombie apocalypse does arrive, you’re prepared.

Fortunately there are a few pretty straight forward things you can do to make your house safe from the encroaching horde. The key is to make sure that your home is fortified so that the undead can’t get in, while ensuring you’re able to preserve to your resources. This can be achieved with simple tips like:

16 May 2012

How DNA Manipulation Will Cause The Zombie Apocalypse

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Photo Credit: wvs via Flicker Creative Commons


Mary Shelley warned us years ago what could happen with her work of fiction, "The Modern Prometheus", which is better known as the novel "Frankenstein". Tampering with nature by unorthodox scientific means can produce results that may not be what the scientists intended. Is there a world of unsuspecting humans waiting for a virus to instruct their genes to mutate and pass on the virus to other hosts? The zombie apocalypse that has frightened science fiction aficionados and thrill seekers at the horror movies may already be occurring as I write these words.

10 May 2012

Freeze Dried Salvation (from The Walking Dead)

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It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that an epically proportioned, terrifying, apocalyptic, world-ending catastrophe is about to occur. Forget about water scarcity and global warming; did you know that there are an estimated 389 billion dead people on the planet Earth?! Do you have any idea what that means?!

Obviously, it implies that the dead outnumber the living by about 55 to 1, and with those kind of odds, and with the oblivious nutjobs we have running our national defense initiatives (who haven’t answered a single one of my letters), we pretty much don’t stand a chance in hell of coming out on top in the impending zombie apocalypse. So if you have even half a brain in your head, then you’ll know like I do that the shit is about to hit the fan on Dec. 21st, just like the Mayans predicted in their fancy calendar, which just so happens to be the most accurate one ever created.

14 December 2011

5 Tips to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse in the Office

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So there you were, sat at work typing away when suddenly the radio on in the background cut from regular programming to emergency news bulletins talking of widespread panic. Reports began with the realistic explanations and understandings only science knows; cannibalism and mass murder, but soon progressed as severed corpses rose from the dead and the infection spread. The emergency broadcast system went into overdrive, warning people to barricade and secure whatever building they were in and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES leave into the outside world. Sadly nothing could stop it, not the government or the military, and now the human race is doomed from what appears to be the Zombie apocalypse.

You might have suddenly realised that with no fuel being sourced and no upkeep to the electricity grid technology will soon be redundant, so you’ve all ran to the nearest computer in the office. You’ve also been sensible from your survival instincts, and instead of updating your Facebook status you’ve decided to use the last bit of juice from the power supplies to Google search what the hell you need to do to survive this nightmare.

Congratulations if you’ve found this page, either the SEO gods have been kind or you’ve searched the right term. Good thing at least one person thought ahead, yes? Everyone laughed when that poor Leicester citizen questioned the council about their zombie emergency procedures, in hindsight you probably should have listened.

I’ll stop talking and cut to the chase, there’s a rumour in the west that Google’s servers only have 3 days left maximum so time is scarce. Here are some tips to survive the zombie apocalypse, mentally and physically…

BE THANKFUL YOU’RE ALIVE!
Okay, so the zombie apocalypse wasn’t convenient to begin with, and now you have to spend it stuck at work? It may sound annoying, but at least you’re not one of “them” and you still have your limbs intact. Your home console, widescreen TV, comfy sofa and coffee machine won’t save you now, get with the times and convert any redundant electrical gadgets into functional tools for the situation.

RAID THE STAFF ROOM AND PLAN FOOD RESOURCES!
You know that guy in HR who always leaves his food laying around and everyone is constantly moaning about? Well turn around to him now, say sorry and make your peace because he’s just boosted your rations and possibly saved everyone’s lives. A food and ration plan is in order as you need to keep eating for as long as possible. Eventually the inevitable will happen and you will run out of food, but you can cross that bridge when it arrives after gathering some knowledge on the situation (see next tip).

ASSESS THE SITUATION!
There are no media resources available and no scientific researches being carried out anymore. No one is going to tell what you’re dealing with and how to deal with it, so keep an eye on things outside, whether it’s from the window or the roof. Do the walking dead have patterns or routines? Do they react or become distracted by anything? From here you can collectively assess a map of the area you are locked down in for the nearest resources and supplies like grocery stores, vehicles and weapons and figure out the best plan of action when leaving becomes essential to survival.

BUILD YOUR WEAPON ARSENAL!
While there is still time look around and see what limited items are available for your weapon arsenal. You’ve been making fun out of all the geeks on the internet with too much time on their hands for years, now it’s time to accept them as your lords and saviours. Google search terms like “turning smart phone into a weapon” or “building an armour suit out of desktop PCs” to get the best out of dead technology. Do you have any long objects like desk wiring cases or those sticks with the hook on the end that open high up windows? Get them and attach any pointy/stabby/dangerous object you can find at the end. The more distance between you and one of “them”, the less chance you have of becoming a meaty snack. You might be in an office with a production line or warehouse area located in the building too. If so go there now, they’re a gold mine for dangerous and heavy machinery tools.

AND FINALLY, KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT!
Everyone says work should be mentally stimulating and employees should have a self-sense of company value.  Even if you had the most boring, mundane, repetitive job in the world before the zombie apocalypse, you are now part of one company and one business worldwide, all equal from within to play an important role in the survival of the human race. Embrace it like a promotion and take pride in your work. And of course by work I mean killing off the living dead content with eating you and your co-workers…

Good Luck!


About Today's Contributor:
When Donald Parfew wrote this article, he was a space designer for used office furniture supplier LAMoffice. Right now as you read this he’s probably sniping zombies from a roof and leading a counter revolution against the living dead. One day in the near future you may hear of the mysterious legend of Donald, and how he gave the human race a ray of hope for survival…

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