14 December 2011
All Posts, Christmas Related, Guest Posts, Miscellaneous, Politically Yours, Social Networking, UK Related
December 14, 2011
Horror Related, How To, Humour/Humor, Miscellaneous, Paranormal, Science Fiction Related, Top Lists, Zombies Related
December 14, 2011
So there you were, sat at work typing away when suddenly the radio on in the background cut from regular programming to emergency news bulletins talking of widespread panic. Reports began with the realistic explanations and understandings only science knows; cannibalism and mass murder, but soon progressed as severed corpses rose from the dead and the infection spread. The emergency broadcast system went into overdrive, warning people to barricade and secure whatever building they were in and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES leave into the outside world. Sadly nothing could stop it, not the government or the military, and now the human race is doomed from what appears to be the Zombie apocalypse.
You might have suddenly realised that with no fuel being sourced and no upkeep to the electricity grid technology will soon be redundant, so you’ve all ran to the nearest computer in the office. You’ve also been sensible from your survival instincts, and instead of updating your Facebook status you’ve decided to use the last bit of juice from the power supplies to Google search what the hell you need to do to survive this nightmare.
Congratulations if you’ve found this page, either the SEO gods have been kind or you’ve searched the right term. Good thing at least one person thought ahead, yes? Everyone laughed when that poor Leicester citizen questioned the council about their zombie emergency procedures, in hindsight you probably should have listened.
I’ll stop talking and cut to the chase, there’s a rumour in the west that Google’s servers only have 3 days left maximum so time is scarce. Here are some tips to survive the zombie apocalypse, mentally and physically…
BE THANKFUL YOU’RE ALIVE!
Okay, so the zombie apocalypse wasn’t convenient to begin with, and now you have to spend it stuck at work? It may sound annoying, but at least you’re not one of “them” and you still have your limbs intact. Your home console, widescreen TV, comfy sofa and coffee machine won’t save you now, get with the times and convert any redundant electrical gadgets into functional tools for the situation.
RAID THE STAFF ROOM AND PLAN FOOD RESOURCES!
You know that guy in HR who always leaves his food laying around and everyone is constantly moaning about? Well turn around to him now, say sorry and make your peace because he’s just boosted your rations and possibly saved everyone’s lives. A food and ration plan is in order as you need to keep eating for as long as possible. Eventually the inevitable will happen and you will run out of food, but you can cross that bridge when it arrives after gathering some knowledge on the situation (see next tip).
ASSESS THE SITUATION!
There are no media resources available and no scientific researches being carried out anymore. No one is going to tell what you’re dealing with and how to deal with it, so keep an eye on things outside, whether it’s from the window or the roof. Do the walking dead have patterns or routines? Do they react or become distracted by anything? From here you can collectively assess a map of the area you are locked down in for the nearest resources and supplies like grocery stores, vehicles and weapons and figure out the best plan of action when leaving becomes essential to survival.
BUILD YOUR WEAPON ARSENAL!
While there is still time look around and see what limited items are available for your weapon arsenal. You’ve been making fun out of all the geeks on the internet with too much time on their hands for years, now it’s time to accept them as your lords and saviours. Google search terms like “turning smart phone into a weapon” or “building an armour suit out of desktop PCs” to get the best out of dead technology. Do you have any long objects like desk wiring cases or those sticks with the hook on the end that open high up windows? Get them and attach any pointy/stabby/dangerous object you can find at the end. The more distance between you and one of “them”, the less chance you have of becoming a meaty snack. You might be in an office with a production line or warehouse area located in the building too. If so go there now, they’re a gold mine for dangerous and heavy machinery tools.
AND FINALLY, KEEP UP THE GOOD FIGHT!
Everyone says work should be mentally stimulating and employees should have a self-sense of company value. Even if you had the most boring, mundane, repetitive job in the world before the zombie apocalypse, you are now part of one company and one business worldwide, all equal from within to play an important role in the survival of the human race. Embrace it like a promotion and take pride in your work. And of course by work I mean killing off the living dead content with eating you and your co-workers…
Good Luck!
About Today's Contributor:
When Donald Parfew wrote this article, he was a space designer for used office furniture supplier LAMoffice. Right now as you read this he’s probably sniping zombies from a roof and leading a counter revolution against the living dead. One day in the near future you may hear of the mysterious legend of Donald, and how he gave the human race a ray of hope for survival…
13 December 2011
All Posts, Guest Posts, Humour/Humor, Movies Related, Science Fiction Related, Star Wars Related, Top Lists, Video-clips
December 13, 2011
December 13, 2011
Someone comes up behind you and puts their hands over your eyes… “guess who?” Well, in this case, it’s Jeremy Scott. In collaboration with Linda Farrow, his ‘hands’ glasses range features an acetate frame shaped like a pair of hands, with just enough space between fingers to see. As seen on fashion-forward Natalia Kills and Lady Gaga, Jeremy Scott’s glasses are sure to cause a stir. Although they may not sound like the most practical pair of glasses, if Lady Gaga is your fashion idol, you’ll know that fashion comes before function. Her sense of fashion has defined her as quirky, modern and unique so she acts as the ideal ambassador for this innovative glasses range.
10 December 2011
December 10, 2011
Chestnuts roasting, Gran snoring and sleigh bells ringing, ah, what bliss.
Years of childhood magic (presents) have helped to create an almost Pavlovian response to the sounds of Christmas and from Bing Crosby to Shaking Stevens, it doesn’t take much to get us in the festive mood.
However, are we really looking forward to spending two or three days cooped up together as a family? Are there times when we wish that we could leave the tinselled world behind and jet off abroad? I’m sure we’ve all secretly longed to go on a winter break but the thought of missing out on a traditional Christmas, warts and all, is a pretty hard habit to break.
One family that laughs in the face of forced festive frolics is the Griffins from Family Guy. It wouldn’t take much persuading for them, individually of course, to go on a huge variety of activity holidays, leaving Santa and Rudolph in their wake.
It’s with this in mind that I’ve compiled a few suggestions to help the Griffins have a very happy Christmas as they escape to locations as far away from each other as possible.
Peter
I thought that the patriarch of the show would really enjoy a trip to the Catholic heartland of Italy and what better way to travel than by bike? Cycling holidays in Italy are a splendid way to see the country and as Peter begins to navigate scenic mountain roads and welcoming pizzerias he’d no doubt revel in the chance to wear all that Lycra. Of course, it might be a tad chilly around this time of year but if anyone could benefit from shedding a few pounds while freezing their butt off then it’s the head of the Griffin household.
Lois
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Lois, who could be more deserving of a week or two in paradise? As with any former (gambling, shoplifting, bulimia) addict, time to relax and take stock is an essential tool for getting back onto the straight and narrow. Thailand offers a hugely diverse range of locations and activities that are just perfect for Ms Pewterschmidt to enjoy and I think she’d really love the opportunity to meditate during a Thai massage on the palm-fringed beaches of the south. From Phuket to Phi Phi, Koh Samui to Krabi, this is your time Lois so relax, unwind and enjoy.
Chris
I feel that the ‘Elephant Child’ would really benefit from a couple of weeks on the Southeast Asian island of Borneo. Not only would he be able to laze on the beach, jungle trek and swim with dolphins, he’d be able to face up to one of his childhood fears, evil monkeys. As soon as Chris steps foot into the Sepilok orangutan sanctuary he’d see that not all monkeys are bad and perhaps that little guy in the wardrobe back home is just as scared as he is.
Brian & Stewie
Where better to send these two culture loving thespians than good old London? After a trip around the boutiques and bars of Soho, a night on the town would surely catapult them into Christmas heaven. This is a splendid opportunity for the boys to really let their hair down and from the bright lights of Oxford Street to the musicals of the West End, there’s nowhere better for Brian & Stewie to paint the town red.
Meg
Ah bless Meg at this time of year as she’s as likely to get what she wants as Rudolph is of sorting out his nasal issues. So, maybe a break away from the family will do her the power of good. All she needs to do to blossom from a winter weed into a gorgeous flower is a bit of self-belief and the confidence to lose that hat! India is calling Meg and from the mountains and national parks of Rājasthān to the beaches and yoga retreats of Goa, throw off your shackles young pigeon and soar like an eagle.
Just as Christmas presents a romantic vision of what we’d dearly like it to be, the Griffins provide a frightening image of what we’re glad our families are not.
Whatever you get up to this holiday season bear one thing in mind: however annoying, frustrating or downright irritating your family is at Christmas, it could be a lot worse!
9 December 2011
December 09, 2011
Western Union’s World of Betters is all about making people’s day better.
Okay, that's definitely one I had to share with you guys... as some of you might get lucky and win $1000 (as long as you live in the UK and the US, that is) and make someone's day better, thanks to this post.
Yep, my real name is Santa Claus!
December 09, 2011
People have been telling stories using pictures since the Greek and Egyptian ages. The Bayeux Tapestries' tells the story of the Battle of Hastings in 1066 using pictures and studying the tapestry it is clear to the onlooker what happened. Looking at local church stained glass windows we can see events portrayed that happened during the 18th century.
8 December 2011
December 08, 2011
Once a year, I find myself staring at the reflection of a cross between an Indian school boy and a 70’s biker with alopecia. Why? You may well ask.
Every November I try to grow a moustache for charity. This year my efforts were partially better than previous attempts and I felt safe in the knowledge that people had actually noticed and had even contributed some money to a worthy cause – prostate cancer research.
7 December 2011
December 07, 2011
Anyone who has ever idly stuck their nose round the door of a record collectors' fair in full swing cannot have failed to appreciate the current huge scale of interest in collectable records and CDs. The collecting scene has been around, in some form or other, almost since a certain fox terrier posed in front of a gramophone, but it is in the last thirty years, since the punk era and the 1979 launch of Record Collector magazine, that the market has really taken off. In the early years of RC, collecting was largely restricted to mainstream areas such as the Beatles and Fifties rock 'n' roll; go to any record fair to-day and you'll find that just about every minority taste has its own legion of hard core collectors.
December 07, 2011
Imagine this: your brother's ex-wife's cousin was kidnapped by an evil super villain who was a clone of your own father, and now it's all up to you to defy conventions and save the day! Does this sound like a real drama, or something you would find on daytime television? In America, it's frowned upon when people waste away an hour watching soap operas that feature an overly twisted plot, and have no ending. The longest running American soap opera is Guiding Light, which has been running since 1952, having already run for 15 years prior to that on the radio. Other countries have also famously run soap operas, such as the Latin telenovelas. It has only been within the past decade that the popularity of Korean dramas has begun spreading around the world. Due to excellent translation work, Korean dramas have become popular in Japan, China, the U.S. and even many Latin countries. Why is it that Korean dramas are becoming all the rage? Let's explore the difference between American soap operas and Korean dramas to find out.
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